Well week one of college is done... It was a LOT. My roommate spawned in like the day after I last blogged and they're actually a really cool person! I like them quite a bit :) I'm not sure if I have made any friends?? There's this one girl who I have like 90% of my classes with and we chat a lot. She's really sweet but she's a commuter, so we don't really see each other outside of that. I've also been DMing someone about possibly being friends, which is some progress! I've been talking a LOT-- but I don't really mind it as much as I used to. (quick aside, but when the hell do you ask for someone's instagram/officially consider each other friends??)

I've had a lot of ups this week, but also a lot of downs. Like on Sunday where I completely missed a job interview because the place was 30 minutes further away than where they said it would be!! Thanks guys!! Or my evil ass college algebra class, where i'm 90% sure my professor doesn't know what the hell he's doing.

As for the other classes, I think i'm doing okay? I have mostly a's and b's, but I think I can get it higher since they're mostly contingent on one grade currently. My classes themselves aren't the worst. They're mostly foundational classes, but I don't really mind. I'm a bit scared for how much more difficult they can get, (considering I put a lot of self worth on my grades,, I know! its bad :,)) since in highschool, teachers would drill into us that college is lowkey impossible.. which!! is!! sooo scary!!!

I'm fairly excited for this weekend considering that my family will be coming over on Saturday to bring me snacks and other things. While on Sunday, I get to see my boyfriend! I miss everyone so much but I also like the independence I have. I think i'm really fortunate that everyone I love isn't terribly far away; it gives a great balance for me.

So I moved in yesterday and I think that was genuinely one of the worst evenings of my entire life so far. My roommate "moved in" and immediately disappeared. I don't expect to be best friends with them, but fuck I have never felt lonelier. I did meet some of my partner's friends and they were really sweet, but I just don't really like them since they only associate me as his girlfriend and not really as my own person, so that rips.

Today was a bit better though. I talked to some people, got some free shit, and finally figured out how to properly update this feed lmao. I really just feel like I'm so behind in life. Like I feel like all my opportunities in life are already past me. I think it's just terrible impostor syndrome, but I honestly don't even know how to get over that. I think I just really have to remind myself that I'm actually so capable of stuff. We should all probably remind ourselves that we can do hard things.

I do have a few goals for my first like, month in uni that I think are managable? Idk I'm just rambling LOL! I'll list them out here (mostly as a reminder for myself)

Get a j*b

Make it known I have an interest in research

Talk to at least 1 new person a day

Make a friend :)

I hate it but I think I just have to go on with it, y'know? I think it'll be good for me. I hope it just won't end terribly because then idk what to do with that. I may have personal drive, but I sure as hell don't have enough to cope with crazily difficult situations. But then again, I did survive my time at a psych hospital and eye surgery. Maybe I can do anything?

I said goodbye to my friends today. It sucked. I'm really going to miss them! My best friend is like a sister to me and it just really hurts that I probably won't see them as often as I used to...

It was a fun day, don't get me wrong. We went to a really cute coffee shop and then gave each other some final goodbye gifts. I gave her a peacock feather since I know how much she loves birds. And she gave me a super cute Hard Rock Cafe bear keychain.

It was also the last time I would really get to see my boyfriend as well, since tomorrow I'm going to be crazy busy packing my shit up. (Which I thought wouldn't be a lot, but I stand corrected!) I think I feel too ig nonchalant about it all right now... I haven't really cried about it in weeks, nor have I really let it all set in. I guess it could either be that I just completely weep at the last moment, or its just because I'm honestly not that far away. I could probably come back and forth like, 10 times in one day.

But also, I can't even drive lol.

I'm 3 days away from moving out of my parents house for college and I'm fucking terrified lmao,, I don't really know anyone who's attending my school- and the ppl who do honestly pmo so I don't even wanna interact with them lolz. I do know my roommate: it's just that they don't really talk to me (or they take 2 days to respond to me).

I've been feeling quite lonely, even if I haven't even moved out yet. My best friend actually knows her roommate, while my bf isn't even dorming. I honestly just don't even know what to do haha... I plan on going to all these events and stuff but I don't even know how well they'd even help me with making friends.

My boyfriend is an absolute angel and knows how anxious about this whole new chapter to my life, so he's been taking me out on a lot more dates and stuff, and I really appreciate it. I'm going to miss him like crazy!!! We've been together for almost 5 years (since middle school) so this is incredibly difficult for me.

Today was especially nice. He took us out to our favorite breakfast spot where I got some strawberry cheesecake pancakes! They were so fluffy and had such a decadent taste to them. The strawberries and whipped cream were also very fresh, which made things even better. I love cheesecake anything tbh.

template cuz its way too hard for me to make a new one :(